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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29585421">Burned Out</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilisiquevales/pseuds/Lilisiquevales'>Lilisiquevales</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Teen Wolf (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Derek Hale Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Derek Has Issues, Emotional Hurt, Fire, Hale Family Feels, Human Stiles Stilinski, Hurt Derek Hale, M/M, Past Kate Argent/Derek Hale, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Slash, Self-Harm, Stiles Stilinski Takes Care Of Derek Hale, Warning: Kate Argent, Werewolf Derek Hale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 00:28:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,111</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29585421</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilisiquevales/pseuds/Lilisiquevales</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After a tree catches fire during a fight with a witch, Derek is consumed by feelings of the past. The image of Kate pays him a visit.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Derek Hale &amp; Stiles Stilinski, Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Kate Argent &amp; Derek Hale</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>92</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Burned Out</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I got inspired to write this while listening to 'Burned out' by Dodie. Give it a listen if you get the chance ;) </p><p>tw: Derek hurts himself while on some sort of haze. If that is a trigger for you, I suggest you don't read this, sorry!</p><p>copyright stuff<br/>- I don't own Teen Wolf or any of the characters.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The way back to his loft was a haze, he didn't remember his pack getting him in the car. He didn't remember the drive, nor going up the stairs. A hand on his shoulder a constant presence, the closest thing to reality he felt in that moment. There had been… <em>fire</em>, and smoke. He hadn't been close to the burning tree, but it had felt so damn hot, the skin on his face burning. He was sure that there were no actual burn marks on his skin, but it sure felt like it. His eyes had widened and suddenly he was back, a scared kid watching a fire, the heat on his skin unbearable, the sound of wood cracking. He had never been so close to a fire since then.</p><p>Everything had blurred then, the bright orange sight, the cracking, his pack screaming around him. Everything an unpleasant blur around him. Except that damn hand on his shoulder, always there.</p><p>His mind cleared a bit with the blow of someone gently pushing him down to sit on his sofa. He took a big breath, the first conscious breath since he saw the burning tree. <em>What had happened?</em></p><p>‘There was a witch, Derek. Don't you remember?’ spoke a familiar voice that he couldn't quite place in that moment.</p><p>He blinked, trying to clear his mind, but it felt as if his head was filled with smoke</p><p>The voice continued, ‘one of her spells backfired and hit a tree. Set it on fire. You just… fell to the ground, looking at it.’ A sigh. ‘She died with her own spell, so that’s good. We thought taking you home was a good idea.’</p><p>Finally, Derek raised his gaze and looked at Stiles, who was standing there, unsure of where to stand. <em>Was he too close? Too far?</em> They locked eyes and Stiles’ looked worried. He looked down after the eye contact became too much for him. Derek looked him up and down, assuring himself that he was safe, he wouldn't forgive himself if he found out the human was injured because of a fight Derek had dragged him onto. He was unscratched and Derek breathed just a little bit easier. When he looked back at his face he saw stiles’ mouth just close, looking at him expectantly.</p><p>Had Stiles been talking to him? Did he expect an answer?</p><p>‘What?’</p><p>‘I need to leave, I have post-fight cleaning duty tonight. I asked if you will be fine?’ he repeated, the worry on his face getting worse by the second. ‘I can ask someone else to cover me, if you don't wanna be alone right now.’</p><p>‘Why would I not wanna be alone?’ Derek snapped, he didn't enjoy feeling vulnerable in front of others.</p><p>‘Jeez, dude, no need to get defensive. I just thought you might like some company. You were pretty out of it back there.’</p><p>‘I’m fine. Just leave, Stiles.’</p><p>Stiles began making his way to the door, his pace unsure. He got to the sliding door and turned one last time, his eyebrows raised as if asking: are you sure you don't want me to stay?</p><p>‘Just go’ Derek insisted, getting up from the sofa he had been placed on. His head felt dizzy for a second, but he didnt let it show. Stiles needed to leave that second, he didn't know how much longer he could hold it in, something bugging him in the back of his head. A voice he knew really well nagging him endless.</p><p>With a last huff, Stiles closed the door after himself and left.</p><p> </p><p>_______________</p><p> </p><p>Derek found himself in a haze once again, now that he was alone. Lost in his head, reliving that bright light of the burning tree. Somehow he managed to clean himself from the dirt and blood of the fight, and put on more comfortable clothes to lie on his bed.</p><p>Slowly he walked to the bed pushed against the corner of the big room, ignoring the figure standing next to the big windows. He knew that figure, saw her many times when things got too close to his skin, close to break and overflow. He lied on his bed with a sigh, turning on his side and trying to relax his tense muscles.</p><p>‘So you’re ignoring me.’ the figure spoke from her place. She turned to look at him attentively. ‘Is that what we’re doing now?’</p><p>Derek released a shuddering breath. She would eventually grow tired and just leave. If he could just ignore her for a bit more.</p><p>‘Come on, baby. Look at me,’ she took a step closer to the bed. Derek tried to cower further into the bed, hiding his face on the inside of his elbow. ‘You want too. You love feeling that guilt, don't you? Just… drowning in it, make yourself seem like the victim.’</p><p>His eyes stang. Normally he could take her presence, but tonight everything just felt too close to the surface. His head filled with orange, his ears only hearing the screams of the innocent he let die that night back at his childhood home. He couldn't breath, his lungs filled with smoke, threatening to choke him. If only it could really choke him and let him just end.</p><p>She walked close to him now, grabbing his face with one hand and forcing him to look at her directly. She won.</p><p>‘Kate…’ the threatening tears finally escaped his eyes. ‘Please, don’t.’</p><p>Her laugh filled the silent loft. The moonlight reflected on her blonde hair. There was a time when he thought that beautiful, but now only blinded him. She knew she didn't need to talk to torment him, her presence enough to drag him to his personal hell. But she enjoyed it, never got tired of hearing herself talk; not when she had been alive, and not now that she was living on his imagination. So she talked, and talked, and enjoyed his suffering.</p><p>‘God, wasn't that fire beautiful? The tree just… alight,’ she started. ‘didn't you like it? I know it can be difficult for you but…’</p><p>In a second she was sitting on the bed with him, her hand wrapped firmly around his throat.</p><p>‘Isn't a bit of smoke good once in a while? We wouldn't want you to forget what you did,’ she smiled evilly at him.</p><p>Smoke started filling Derek's lungs. His mouth opened, trying to beg her to stop, but no sound came out. All the air exiting the room in a moment. Why did she do this to him? Hadn’t what she had done while she was alive been enough?</p><p>He tried to grab her arm, get her off of him. But her skin was hot to the touch, burning the palms of his hands. He kept tightening his grip on her, but she retaliated. The heat grew as well, scorching his hands. Her grip on him tightened in unison. He couldn't take it anymore, air was still escaping his lungs, being replaced by thick smoke.</p><p>He released her, and she did too, pushing him roughly against the head of the bed. He coughed, finally able to breath. But soon found himself screaming in pain, his hands aflame. His throat didn’t feel that much better. He squirmed and wormed his way out of the bed, his knees failing him and tumbling to the floor.</p><p>That laugh echoed through the room once more, louder and louder. Derek crawled through the floor, sobs escaping his mouth without his consent.</p><p>All strength left his body at once when Kate’s boot stepped on his back. Derek fell to the floor and was unable to free himself of her foot pressing down on him.</p><p>‘Come on, don't leave me. We are having so much fun, pup,’ she crouched and Derek could feel her lips on the shell of his ear. The hot air of her breath a burning sensation on his skin. Her hand snaked around him and he felt her wrapping it around his throat once more. Her other hand pulled his hair and yanked his head up. ‘Remember how we used to do this? You were always scared I would leave marks on you for your dear family to see. Don't you feel better now that they can’t see? Aren't you glad I took that weight off your shoulders? ...with a simple swift of a match?’</p><p>His eyes widened and right in front of him appeared a single light match, the flame hot and bright. The hand on his throat once more started scorching his skin. He took his hands to his neck, screaming in agony, squirming on the floor.</p><p>Suddenly he was once more alone in the room, but the pain in his body did not dissipate, only getting more intense. His nails scratched at his neck, leaving behind deep red marks he was sure would not heal as fast as other injuries. Self inflicted wounds always took too long to heal.</p><p>Deafened by his own screams, he didn't hear the door to the loft slide open, nor his name being called by a frantic voice.</p><p> </p><p>_______________</p><p> </p><p>Stiles knew something was wrong. Of course it was wrong. Derek had been totally absent all the way back to his loft. Why did Stiles even leave him alone? He had been so adamant on being left alone, Stiles didn't know if with Derek being so out of it it would have been the best idea to fight him, so he had left him.</p><p>
  <em>He had left.</em>
</p><p>Cleaning duty didn't take that long, but his worry for the wolf only made time pass painfully slow. By the time he finished cleaning the scene and disposing of the witch’s body, his anxiety was off the charts.</p><p>He rushed to his Jeep and broke several speed laws on his way back to the loft. The moon was still high in the sky, and the silent night only made him stress even more. He parked in front of the building and saw the light turned on through the big windows of the loft. Getting off the car and making his way to the building Stiles tried to convince himself that Derek would be fine, just sitting on his raggedy sofa or standing in a dark corner brooding, his dark eyebrows low on his forehead.</p><p>Already more than halfway up the stairs on the tall building Stiles heard the low ‘thud’ of a body falling to the floor, followed by screams of agony. God, the screams. He ran like a bat out of hell the rest of the way, slided the enormous door once he got to the top of the building. And the image that greeted him was one he hoped he would never have to see ever again.</p><p>Derek was on the floor, squirming and screaming. His hands were scratching at his throat, a mix between claws and human nails. Nhe neck of his shirt torned and slightly bloody from his wounds.</p><p>Stiles ran to the man on the floor screaming his name and kneeled next to him. He didn’t know what to do, his hands hovering over the man but not touching, not knowing how to make it better. Stiles felt useless in that moment, tears of frustration and fear threatening to spill.</p><p>‘Derek, dude. What is going on?’ Siles asked uselessly. Derek didn't listen to him, spilling a constant chorus of nos and ‘it burns’. Not being able to see the man hurt himself anymore, Stiles made his mind, ‘Derek, listen to me. I’m going to touch you now.’</p><p>He gripped Derek's wrists with his hands and pulled them from his neck. Derek resisted a bit, but soon his screams and words lessened to quiet sobs. His eyes seemed more focused, his mind no longer stuck on whatever scene was going on through his head.</p><p>‘It's me, Stiles,’ Stiles tried to calm the man. ‘I’m here, nothing will hurt you now.’</p><p>Derek’s eyes focused on his face and realisation fell on his face once he recognised him. His body went lax and Stiles scooped him, pressing him to his chest, rocking them in a slow rhythm.</p><p>‘Th-the tree…’ Derek tried to start, but his voice got caught in his throat. ‘It- it burned.’ Stiles shushed him and kept rocking them, tucking Derek’s head under his chin. Derek tried to lift his hand to lightly touch his throat, but Stiles tucked his hand to his chest. ‘It burned…’</p><p>‘I know,’ Stiles assured him, he placed his hand carefully on Derek’s throat, covering some of his wounds. ‘Everything is okay now, it won’t burn anymore.’</p><p>Stiles would make sure the wolf would not burn anymore.</p>
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